We have all had relationships in our past that didn’t work. Then there is the one that got away, but shouldn’t have. This is the one that felt as if it was meant to be. This is the one that felt like true love yet just would not work. You felt like the Universe conspired to bring the two of you together against all odds and all the signs were positive and pointed in the direction of the two of you being together. How do you let go of a relationship like this?
When your partner in that relationship was at his or her best, he or she met all of your needs. He or she was the perfect fit for you. If he or she could have been that way with you 100% of the time, rather than just sometimes, you would be in the relationship still. The times he or she was everything you needed are hard to let go of. You have been looking for that kind of love all of your life.
Sometimes he or she did. But other times, he or she wouldn’t. You wanted to make, force, remind or talk him or her into it. You did everything possible to make him or her be the way you wanted 100% of the time. You used all the ways you could to evoke the behavior you wanted. Read on for some coach yourself steps to recovery.
“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
Have you ever experienced excruciating physical pain, from a fall or an accident or a pinched nerve and you felt the pain every day, you woke up in the morning feeling the pain every single day, went through your day and routine sensing the pain, dull ache sometimes, sharp pain sometimes and then bearable sometimes…and then one day, as if by magic, you wake up pain-free. You almost have to check, you touch the area and you ask yourself, where is the pain, and you are so grateful because you noticed that it is gone! Heartache is the same.
After a breakup, many experience a sharp physical pain in the chest or a sense of nausea and sickness in the stomach. This is normal and it does go away. I promise.
***note***I myself went through the most painful breakup and although my friends and family kept reminding me that I am a strong man and that I should be able to "snap-out" of it, it was a challenging journey. In fact in hindsight, it was through writing this article that I healed more and more.
“Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart do not know how to laugh either.”
Tears are normal, anger is normal, feeling the pain is normal, wanting to talk about it incessantly with anyone who will listen is also normal, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve till you get to the stage of acceptance. That is when you will wake up and go to bed “pain-free”.
Losing a loved one through a breakup emulates the same sense of loss and grief as losing someone to death. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding happiness again.
There are stages of grief and all of us may go through each one of them or not, and the time we take in each stage also varies depending on our willingness to move on and our past experiences. Some of us may breeze through some stages, because in some way, we already went through them whilst STILL in the relationship.
Generally the five stages of grief are:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening” “ I don’t believe this”
2-Anger-"why me?", blaming!
3-Bargaining- this often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the partner who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning the loss of the person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control.
5-Acceptance-You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a relationship. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
comments and discussions on this blog shall be appreciated.
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