Life Coach Recovery Step 1 – Replace the Triggers
(NLP term – create new pathways)
Identify the main triggers - times, places, and activities that cause you the
most pain and makes you feel the most empty. Create a new option. If it is dinner-time, make sure you have plans for dinner every night. Whether you have a specific movie or show to watch, something to cook, a game or sport to play, find things to negate the triggers. Adjust your old routine.
Coaching Recovery Step 2 – Engage a support network
This could be one or five people you can be yourself with and not hide what you are feeling, at the same time, ask them to help keep you busy and occupied, either through hanging out with them or supporting them in their activities.
Even if the last thing on earth you want is to have company, force yourself. You need to be around caring and loving people!
Coach yourself Recovery Step 3 – Rediscover yourself
Start a journey toward self-discovery. As you move through the process of healing, you will also need to explore answers to questions such as "Who am I now?" and "Where do I go from here?" Take time to get to know yourself. One mistake many people make after a relationship ends is almost immediately trying to find a new partner. Most experts suggest waiting before starting a new relationship. During this time, focus on healing, on learning and growing and on getting to know yourself again. Know that we are not the same person yesterday that we are today. We are all transient and who were are at any given moment is changing. We are not the person we are when we step into a movie or read a new book, we all come out slightly altered, knowing and realizing something we did not know before. We are making decisions about our perspective on life every step of the way. So what more with an intimate relationship, we have to acknowledge and appreciate that being with this person for however long altered us in some ways. Many of us change when in a relationship, we try to mould ourselves to better fit in or accommodate the other person, we are a part of two and often put our own preferences on the back burner to either enjoy the other person’s ways or just to spend more time together. This is the time to be you again and get to know the you that you have evolved into “post-the ex”. Make choices about every little thing independently, like what to eat, listen to, where to go and what to wear. And even if you notice that some of these choices are influenced by your ex, they are things that you adopted, because you like them and it is not a bad thing to inculcate them.
Life Coaching Recovery Step 4 – Be the best you
Now is the time to focus on your own needs, wants and desires. Pamper yourself. Splurge a little on things you might have deprived yourself of in the past. At this point you will come to realize that although relationships are nice, you can be everything you ever needed, to yourself. The only true way to attract a positive love into your life is to be independent and to be the best that you can be. Start making plans for the near future independently and remember that even when you meet someone new, these are choices that you made for your life, and a huge learning would be to not let your partner change these plans too much.
Enjoy old interests and explore new ideas. If you loved to listen to music on your iPod, or play the piano, or pat a dog before your relationship but gave it up because the relationship took up too much of your time, now is a great time to go back to doing those things. It's also an excellent time to do the things you've always wanted to do, such as learn to dive or ride a horse or go skydiving or cross-country skiing. Embrace your freedom. You are free again and freedom is and always was your birthright. Look at this as the blessings and opportunity to explore your freedom again. Use this time to invest in yourself and make yourself the best that you can be. Get fit and healthy, look great, build your career, strengthen all your friendships and connections, and explore your spirituality. You have the time now, so do it! Trust that the next person you meet is also using this time to “better” himself or herself and you two amazing people are just “preparing” for the magical moment when your worlds will meet!
“Once you decide to take the first step toward your success, the universe magically rearranges everything to make it all start happening for you.”
It could also be possible that the Universe and all the wonderful opportunities that are yours, are waiting just waiting for you to decide whether you are ready. Once you make that decision, which is to heal and move on, you will notice that like a dam breaking free, your work and financial opportunites and connections will open up as if by magic. All you need to do is decide! I am not suggesting that you can't have it all, or that it has to be this or that, not at all! In fact I do beleive that we truly can, however it has to be when there is perfect synergy between your true self and a partner who is being true to him or herself too.
Recovery Step 5 – Clean Up
I am not going to suggest you do or don’t clean up evidence of your ex, photos, gifts, cards, emails, messages. These are just material and they represent an era in your life, which was sacred and beautiful. The time will come when you will be able to look at these things and smile. Songs will often trigger memories of your ex and that is something that you get to keep. I do not believe in bonfires or in pity parties either. As soon as you are over the anger stage, stop rehashing the story to friends and acquaintances. Respecting what you shared is the adult and dignified thing to do. Encourage your friends to be curious about you and your life not about the past. If you must, cut out the people who trigger negative thoughts and words and “make you” talk nastily. If they are true friends and well-wishers, they will be around when you are ready to re-connect with them.
Having said all that, it is crucial for your healing that you DO NOT email, text, bbm, call, or facebook your ex during this period. You may also need to work out some logistics and financial stuff. Arrange to do this quickly although you may be tempted to keep these doors open so you can still contact each other. The “let’s be friends” attitude does not work when you are healing. When all of the logistics have been accomplished, you should avoid contacting each other. That way, you can both get your lives started on your own. I cannot stress more HOW necessary this is to moving on. Only AFTER you have healed, and your paths cross again, will you be able to consider friendship. True friendship is only possible when you are healed.
When you have healed and you hear of your ex's success and that he or she is succeeding and gorwing in their lives, you will feel truly happy and be able to feel pride and joy for them.
Recovery Step 6 - FEEL HAPPY –
Express Thankfulness, Appreciation and Gratitude everyday
for at least 90 days.
I am sure you have heard of people speaking about the art of gratitude and the benefits it can bring to you.
Did you know that it has now been scientifically proven that regular practice of gratitude can dramatically change your bodies chemistry giving way to a more peaceful body and mind?
The Heart Math Institute has 15 years of scientific research proving that a simple tool like the art of gratitude can dramatically reduce stress and improve performance for individuals and organizations.
If you take 5 minutes every day to write down the things you are grateful for that day, you will have no choice but to feel happy and possibly even smile while you are doing so.
These 5 minutes of giving out happy vibrations will magnetize more happiness back to you.
The smiling is a great way “to trick” your mind. By smiling, the body sends signals to the mind that you are happy, even if you are not. Eventually the mind WILL accept the state of the body. Even when you are going about your day, force yourself to smile, despite the fact that you feel terrible, read jokes, watch comedies, appreciate and notice the beauty that surrounds you.
This too is simple NLP – (neuro-linguistic programming)
Recovery Step 7 - Honour the love
Do something to honour and cherish the true connection between your ex and you. There was a wonderful part of him or her, a loving and nurturing part. There was love for you; there may still be love for you. You may always love that part of your ex.
How? In prayer, in your heart, in your thoughts, and in your actions.
When you are ready, send thoughts of peace, healing, and joy to your ex whenever thoughts of your past relationship cross your mind. Whenever you miss him or her, send him or her your love. In this way you can still love him or her, while keeping your distance and protecting yourself from his or her hurtful behavior.
If you believe in NLP and in Angels, you can have a life coach or a NLP Practitioner help you with the “cutting-cord” process.
You may be hesitant to honour your ex. You may be afraid that it will make you go back into the relationship with your ex. But it won’t the reason to honor your connection is not to somehow bring your ex-partner back. Instead, by honoring the good of the relationship, you become free of the anger you feel towards him or her. By honoring the gifts he or she gave you, instead of focusing on what he or she did not give you, you will begin to feel peace and gratitude for all that you shared together.
Remembering that your ex came as a complete package, combining the very good with the intolerably bad, will give you the strength to not go back into that relationship. And freeing yourself of anger at your ex will give you the ability to move on and deeply love another person. It is not easy to move on to another relationship after such an experience. It is not easy to attract love, or give your heart to someone new. It is hard to believe you will have such love and passion with anyone else. But follow the steps – especially 1, 2 and 3 above and you will be on your way to being happy single again and when you least expect it, BAM! J
Remember that this is not "Project-getting over your ex", or "Project-dealing with the breakup"
Remember you cannot not think of a blue ball. Or stop thinking of a blue ball. However you can start thinking of a new life. This IS "Project living your best life"
Be the best you.
Physically - if there is weight to lose, use this time to focus on how you want to look, exercise, eat well, build your body, get a new haircut, buy new clothes, clear out your wardrobes.
Financially - set your career, business and work goals and achieve them. Ask yourself how many waking hours do you spend on this pursuit vs. simply wasting time?
Spiritually and Creatively - what does your heart want to create and do? What movies, cds, books have you always wanted to touch? What talents and hobbies do you have that still remain untapped and unexplored?
Adventure - what experiences do you want to have?
Significance - who are the people that you make a difference to? Who possibly missed you when you were in your last relationship?
Moving on means to have new focus and life purposes.
A good way to discover your purpose and set some goals immediately if to imagine that you are 75 years old and looking
back on your life. You are talking to a young visitor and you are saying to him or her, I had a great life because...fill in the blanks.
What we did just now was the very beginning of goal setting. Coaching will help you focus on YOU and the rest of your life. It is only when you fill your thoughts and days with actions towards building yourself up stronger, more successful, the best you that you can be, that you will truly move on.
If you are going through a challenging time getting over an ex and moving on, perhaps a 12-week program with a life coach can support you in getting where you want to be.
I believe that many stay in this pain cycle too long because movies, media and old beliefs convinced us that we need this "time" to heal. False. We don’t need to endure or suffer the pain, we just have to make the decision that we want to HEAL and move on. Create a life by design. You are free again to decide and live the life you desire!
The Universe is NOT punishing you, it is rewarding you, this is not the end, it is just the beginning of your beautiful life.
Inspired by
Amelie Chance
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